How Heisenberg, Pirates, & Heathens get the Ladies

Now, I’m a fan of the hit show Breaking Bad as much as the next girl, and I’m also a fan of music. The two actually share common ground.

More on pirates being normal people here

Oh yeah, guys. We’re talking about music. In this case, pirating music. No, I’m not going to lecture you on pirating music. To be completely fair, it’s totally okay. 

I’m sure we all recognize the site I’m about to link, and if you don’t know it, you’re welcome. You can download free music at my favorite (and the best) site here.Take a sec to open it, check it out, and bookmark it now so you don’t forget. 

*Sometimes that link doesn't work and some jerk misdirects you to a different site. You can try this one, which uses a proxy and will work in the event the other fails.

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via Giphy.com

See, the thing about Heisenberg and Pirates is that they’re sneaky, kind of like that. Now that you understand, and we've confirmed you’re both like Heisenberg and Pirates, let’s keep going, and really evaluate you, as a college student.

ME TOO! We have so much in common, so now that we’ve established we are in similar circumstances, let’s keep going, and really evaluate you, as a person.

Okay, so there is a chance you’re an asshole, but for the sake of the argument, let’s assume you’re just as socially acceptable as the rest of us, here. But there is zero chance you are not an idiot if you’re stealing music.

Like I said above, I’m not going to lecture you on stealing music or what it is. We all know. And yeah, I agree with you, I don’t think you should have to pay for something if you can get it for free. There are a couple of things that fall into this category:  anti-virus software, puppies, exercise, shipping, music... (Co). 

“Wait, didn’t you just say stealing music makes you an idiot?”

Ahh, but who said I was stealing it? YOU CAN GET MUSIC FOR FREE WITHOUT STEALING IT. 

via Giphy.com

I know, I KNOW. Crazy right? These renowned domains of free awesomeness are pretty sneaky too, using names like Pandora, Grooveshark, Spotify, Last.fm, and YouTube. You’d never have guessed, right?

“They have ads.”

Yeah? Well so does everything else.

“Technically it’s not free because you have to pay for Internet.”

Yeah, you’d have to pay for Internet to illegally download music in the first place, so your point is invalid.

“I want to own the music. You can’t burn YouTube songs onto a CD.”

Oh, you want to own the music? Then pay for it. If you like a track, album, etc. enough to want to own it, then be a grown up and go out and buy it.

“I don’t have enough money.”

via Google Images.

“I don’t feel like it.”

I’m glad you said that, imaginary objector, because you bring up an excellent point.

College students are lazy. They want things free, fast, easy, and with no consequences.

 For example, let’s say you’re into The Black Keys. Would you go break into their house, find their music, and copy/take it? NO. That’s hard and you could go to jail! You can go to jail for stealing music online, too (Webster par. 4). 

Now, let’s break this down. Pirating music is like stealing babies.

Let’s say you want to steal a baby. You go to the hospital > locate the nursery > waltz in > pick up a baby you like > but you do this in a hospital uniform, so no one recognizes you as the heathen you are.

Let’s say you want to steal music. You go online > find a website > download whatever you want >  no authorities see you being the heathen you are because doing it online makes you "invisible."

I mean it’s the same thing right?!? But I’m not done yet. You forgot something. Hospitals have cameras. Computers have IP addresses. 

They’re pretty much the same thing, and that’s how you ultimately will be proved to be a Heisenberg, Pirate, and Heathen, go even more broke than you initially were, not have anything to show for it, and be single because you’ll be broke, in jail, and have no awesome collection of music to show off and attract the ladies with.

Kind of like this, except she would dig it.

Now what's your excuse?

Let me know in the comments below, would you rather be the guy who steals hearts, or the guy who steals babies?

Works Cited & Further Reading